The Battle

The Battle: part 1
September 20th, 2014

It's been sixty five days
since I've seen a star shoot across the sky
   and I can't remember the last time
I sat around a campfire
     My brain is tired
my heart is burdened
I'm running a pace I've never ran before
I'm dreaming dreams I've never dreamt before
I'm caught in-between adventures
and the things
others expect from me
"This is who you've always been"
"That's who you'll always be"
but I'm still wondering    who is even me
attempting to decipher the words that have written me
stealing away my energy
so I climb a tree
and I can't reach the top
I laugh and lean on a branch
   with my hair blowing in the wind
something is different
I am changing
My soul is wondering
     my feet are chasing lions
and even then
vices are echoing
"This is who you'll always be"
but sometimes I hear Him whisper
"Beloved, you're free"
you may think I'm unhappy
and that is untrue
somedays I'm not okay
but that is okay
a battle is being fought inside of me
you've never noticed
cause' you cannot see

The Battle: part 2
December 22th, 2015

The moon said my name once
it scared me so much I danced
different from the moon
the Ocean has called my name many times
and like a lion
it roars into my heart
challenging me to go deeper
to tread longer
calling me out farther
   brave enough to respond
and    enchanted by the waves
I
slowly
gracefully
stumble
into the mystery of my soul
I take long strides
confidently following the call
but it doesn't take too long for the salt water
to remind me of my wounds
I am broken    and
I am scared
"is this deep enough?" I ask
I stand there
hoping I would be
But I hear the waves call again
  I start to cry
tasting my tears
I'm now waste deep
The waves start interrupting my balance
tossing me back and forth
I choke on salt water
I understand now
I am weak
my life is futile
 I start seeing the ocean
in a different way
the Ocean is powerful
   I will never understand its depths

and I have always loved the ocean
but it has loved me longer

 I tread water far from shore
the deep blue green color of the ocean
blinds me from the possible dangers
the ocean is not safe
not this far from shore

my arms are tired and my body is aching
then I hear it again
I close my eyes and clench my jaw

the ocean is calling again
 
There is so much mystery in the love
there is so much danger in the call

3 books you should read before 2015 ends.

I really like reading, and you should too. Here are 3 books that my soul has really enjoyed. 

This book is incredibly thought provoking, and filled with a very poetic type of writing. I love love love this book, and still read through it. Thank you to my friend, Megan, for introducing me to N.D. Wilson and his unique work. Seriously though, read this.

Harry Potter is easily my most favorite series I've ever read. JK Rowling is brilliant when it comes to story telling, and her story of friendship warms my soul. I think everyone should read the series, so why not start with the first one. And why you're at it, tell the Gryffindor house I miss them. It's been too long. 

THIS BOOK. I LOVE THIS BOOK. Levi the poet actually recommended this book to me and It has taught me a lot about writing already. Stephen King has several stories to tell while he gives advice to aspiring writers. This book is great. READ IT!

Live

I’ve spent most of my life

trying to sketch perfectly my favorite climbing  tree

many pencils have seen their end in this process

I’ve failed

many

many

 times

the branches are never strong enough

and the leaves just don’t smell right on paper.. .     .       .         .. . 

            For the last four years

I’ve bled on paper

trying to recreate a summer that

happened over 800 days ago in some form of art.

but

The laughter just doesn't sound right

and I can never put the way the sun touched my soul down on paper.

Trust me

tears have been shed.

            There was this horse

who left me too soon

he was white and he glided when he ran

I didn’t have enough time to get to know him

Sometimes I called him Captain

occasionally his name was Winter

I had hoped he would have become a Galileo

  my heart is still pierced

and no poetry has come from that ache.

            And because I’m a writer,

I wonder why some stories are impossible to put on paper.   

            Maybe we’re not always supposed to capture memories in picture form.

            Maybe we’re not supposed to document every heart ache

            Maybe some moments we eventually forget.

            Maybe there are some things so enchanting only our hearts can remember

N.D. Wilson said, “Humans are not intended for data storage (though we have the capacity). We are intended for living, for moving through a story”

            A few summers ago

I was so busy living I barely had time to write.

I don’t remember that whole summer,

but I do have some really stellar stories from it.

            I haven’t ever documented the rhythm of my heart beat

or the volume of my laugh.

            I have never written down

exactly how the Wisconsin river felt in my hair

but my heart understands completely

            I can’t draw a picture of my favorite climbing tree

but sometimes my hands remember the texture

and my ears hear my brothers laugh.

            This Life Is Meant To Be Lived

And I hope I feel the poetry I can’t write.

            This life needs to be spent.

7 things I've learned in my first 7 weeks of college.

At least, I think I've been in school seven weeks. Honestly, the weeks just happen, and I don't keep track. I really don't care though. Counting is not really my thing, and I really like the number seven.

1. I have time to read again. I was ridiculously involved in high school, and I sacrificed my love for reading to participate in every other activity possible. I have a good amount of free time now, and have enjoyed a few new reads. Stephen Kings book, On Writing, is a book I've discovered, and I LOVE IT!

2. There are more people like me out in this world. This gets me all sorts of excited. I was starting to doubt that I'd ever find tree climbing, obnoxious laughing, extra competitive, spontaneous personalities in this world. Thankfully, I was wrong, and I'm enjoying the new adventures, with new friends.

3. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PARKING PASS DON'T PARK IN AMES! RIDE YOUR BIKE, HORSE, LONG BOARD, OR SCOOTER BUT DON'T YOU DARE PARK YOUR PRECIOUS CAR IN AMES YOU WILL GET A PARKING TICKET. I only know this from experience, and let's just say I didn't learn it the first time.

4. Sioux Falls, South Dakota is adorable. Labor day weekend, I took a road trip with a rad group of people to the city where one of my favorite people ( MARY RAES) attends college. I had a blast and a half, see you soon Margie ♥

5. My brothers hugs will always be my favorite. Perks of having a strong brother I guess. (don't let that get to your head, Dustin!)

6. If you're walking across a creek at Ledges, don't put your iphone in your shirt front pocket. It may jump out,  float down the stream, and never be found again. Let's just say Sam learned this the hard way. ;)

7. He is a good, good Father. My walk with Christ has been an adventure in college. I think I've learned more from Him than I have from all my teachers (not complaining). I'm excited to fall more in love with Him.

High school

I’m at a new home, with new teachers, teammates, and friends. The hallways I walk everyday are not familiar, and only a handful of people know my name. I’m not lonely, yet. I know I will be, though. It’s windy today, and this afternoon smells like cross country season. The evening  feels like football season. I think of high school. The four years I spent on the swaggiest basketball court. I’m reminded of the memories I share with the girls who will be dominating this year without me. My mind wanders to the hallways I ran in, and the stairs I tripped up. Honestly, I miss the teachers, and their electric personalities. I miss the freshmen I became friends with,I miss talking to different lunch tables, and my spanish class. There are things about Ballard High I miss, but those were not the best days of my life. High school was wonderful, and I loved it, but better things are ahead. So I sit here, excited for my adventure, and because I miss you, I pray. I know people I love are going to get hurt this year. I know you all will be challenged emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. It makes me sad I don’t get to experience it with you, and because I can’t, I’m praying for you, all of you, right now.

Seniors, You’re about to take on a strange and beautiful year, filled with embarrassing and ridiculous moments. I beg you to love mondays, and to not give in to senioritis. I challenge you to be present in every situation, like you were meant to be there, and to be friends with all the freshies, and people below you. I hope you thank your teachers and coaches, and involve yourself in many activities. No, high school is not the best part of your life, but you should love it like it is going to be the best time in your life. I hope you easily embrace the process of the change that is about to occur in your life. Remember, some friends are for a lifetime, some are for high school. Always love your friends, but some you are going to have to let go. I pray you will be able to enjoy your last year, and I hope all the lasts you’re experiencing will turn into some of your most favorite memories.

Juniors, You’re almost there, but not really. I hope you’re not worrying about college. Advice: God already has a plan for your future. Stop worrying. Also, take advanced Bio for a good laugh, and take as many classes with Fletch as possible. but make sure you’re not lazy. Fletch hates lazy ;). Don’t procrastinate on dmacc classes. One all-nighter is fun, seven are not. Since I know your grade is cliquey, I want to challenge you to step out of your comfort zone, and become friends with people you probably wouldn’t. There is a danger in having a “squad”. When you only hang out with a certain group of people, you all accidently form the same opinions, and even thoughts on people. I hope this year you start seeing the world, people, and life through your own eyes. Or even better, through God’s eyes.

Sophomores, I love you all so much. When I was entering my senior year, I felt a conviction from God. To love you all, and to build relationships with you. When I was a freshman, my year was pretty terrible, until a senior girl befriended me. To be honest, getting to know you crazy kids has been such a blessing to me. You have added a joy to my life, and God has taught me a lot. I hope you all will discover deep friendships. I hope you spend more time counting the shooting stars you’ve seen in your life, than you spend partying with your “friends”. If Mr. Dovre is teaching a creative writing class, take it. You better love every minute you have class with Mrs. Jack. She has the best handwriting, and it makes note taking so easy.  I hope you 100% realize there is a Creator who loves you, and you follow him with all your heart.

Freshmen, I am actually really sad I don't get to welcome you into high school. I pray the transition goes smoothly, and you quickly feel comfortable in your new surroundings. If you’re wondering which extracurriculars you should go out for, i’ll help you: Cross country and speech competition. I regret not participating in both all four years. I hope you know you are always worth more than your gpa, athletic ability, and even more than what people say about you. I challenge you to be brave, and to talk to people who intimidate you. If you trip up the stairs, laugh. If you think you should wear makeup every day, don't. Do your homework and respect your teachers. Don’t believe the lies the upperclassmen will tell you. Always bring snacks to school. I hope you have a grand adventure! I’m excited to hear your stories, good luck!

And to all, I hope this year is a year filled with laughter, and turned in assignments. I know some of you are dreading school tomorrow, but I pray you will be excited for the new memories you’re going to make. It’s going to fly by so fast. I challenge you to all work hard this year. Whether it’s in school, sports, friendships, etc. I dare you to try new things, and meet new people. And I hope whatever emotion you’re feeling this year, whether it be happy, excited, sad, broken, etc, you feel it. Don’t go numb, feel it.

Don't forget Haiti

I just returned from Les Cayes Haiti for the second time in my life, and I'm extremely uneasy. I keep wondering what Youslie is up to today, or what is Geraldin laughing about today. I wonder what the stars will look like tonight, and if the boys played soccer today. I know one thing, I want to be back. I want to be there right now. But because I'm not, let me tell you about my trip, and I hope I inspire you to help make a difference in fourth world countries.

What did we do in Haiti? 
We spent a lot of time loving on orphans. Much of my time was spent sweating while playing soccer, making bracelets, jumping on the trampoline, dancing, laughing, and struggling through language barriers. I fell in love with the new boys orphanage and the energy they created. I also watched God work through some of my closest friends, and what a joy that brought to my heart. Last week, we fixed a few things here and there, visited a few villages, and played a lot of soccer, but mostly it was all about loving God, and His people.

What did I learn in Haiti?
This summer I have been attending (whenever my schedule allows) a Bible study led by a good friend of mine. In the study, we have been studying God and his character. Through the study, I have really been chewing on omnipresence. I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it. While in Haiti, we visited two church services and at both, they sang songs in Creole that we knew in English. We were worshipping the same God, in two different languages. It was such an awesome feeling. He is here, and He is there. He is omnipresent.

What was different this time?
Because this was my second trip to Haiti, I didn't think I was going to be surprised at all. Turns out, I was wrong! (but I'm never wrong?) This trip, God opened my eyes to the poverty, the hunger, and the homeless. We heard stories after stories about the seven-year-old boy who has to steal to provide food for his sisters, or about the kids that are so hungry they can't even eat when they have food. I saw the poverty on the streets and it broke my heart. Complaining about being hungry just seems so wrong now that I have seen the faces of kids who barely eat once every three days.

Thoughts.
I really believe that most people in first world countries are aware that orphans and widows and poverty and starvation are a thing. But do you know that a little boy named Jeff is homeless, and at the young age of seven he's providing for his sisters by stealing? Are first world countries aware that people leave babies in shoe boxes and that orphans all have a story. You see, I was aware of orphans and poverty before I went to Haiti, but now I know the faces, the stories and I know what it feels like to have an orphan boy hug you. I know how their hands fit into mine, and their unique personalities. I know Marvins likes to dance, Casandra likes to sing, and Ebenson likes to make people laugh. Now that I know their faces, they mean so much more to me.

It's safe to say I have left a little more of my heart in Haiti, and I can't wait to return. He is working, I dare you to help make a difference in the lives of the less fortunate.

Created to create

My flesh wants to be known so badly.  My pride seeks attention, and my insecurities struggle to hide my flaws. I want people to know me, to love me, and to want to be around me. I want to perform, and I want people to watch. I want to write, and to be good at it. I want to create. I want to craft creations that make people feel. I want my creations to be special, and I want to be a favorite. I want to be unique. To be different. I want to speak, to be heard, and to be loved by all.

My flesh is incredibly prideful. So prideful, I’m embarrassed.

God has given me, like everyone else, talents. I know of some of my talents, but I often find myself using them for myself, rather than for the glory of God. I am selfish. I am human. I am a sinner. I want the glory. 

When I first started writing, I was afraid to share my work with anyone. Vulnerability is a fear of mine, and sharing my thoughts was one of the most vulnerable things I could do. Several years later, I have become more open with my writing. I share quite a lot of my work, and I easily accept criticism. I have came a long way, but I have even longer to go.

Success is everything. At least, that’s what the worlds telling me. When I write, I want the credit. I guess I have forgotten, everything I have created, has been inspired by a creation of some sort. Nothing I create is an original. It was all God inspired. Every piece.

My prayer is that I will stop being so prideful. That I will allow God to speak through me, and that I would rejoice when he does. I need to be using every opportunity to be a platform for Him. I write for Him. I speak for Him. I create for Him.

    “He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

I understand now

    I used to fall asleep to the sound of a keyboard.
Not the kind that plays music.
The kind that writes words.
    I used to climb trees with my brother.
We’d take off our shoes.
Sometimes a branch would break.
    I used to twirl my hair.
It was so blonde it was white.
My eyes were the color of the sky.
    I used to sit in my dads lap.
We would talk about my dreams.
He would try to make them happen.
    I used to ride my bike everywhere.
I sang the words that came to my mouth.
Sometimes I cried.
    I used to write C.S. Lewis fan fiction.
There were always talking animals.
And always great big castles.
I used to tell my friend, “Be brave.”
I used to tell my mom, “It will be okay.”
I used to hate taking naps.
What a waste of time!
I always hated going to bed while the sun was still awake.
I used t.

I used to be seven years old.
                       I am not anymore.
I still love to write.
And
Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I’ll fall asleep to the sound of the keyboard.
The kind that writes words.
I still love to explore.
Sometimes I ride my bike.
I still dream, I hope they come true.
But I understand now.
The world wants you to be
Something.
Someone.
But make sure you’re good at It.
Walk a certain way.
Talk a certain way.
     Dream a certain way.
All I know is,
I’ve cried too many tears
Because I’m forgetting who I was
Before The world told me who to be.

Spoken word poetry is music to my ears. I will often listen to a piece on repeat, in the background, while working. This spoken word piece by Jefferson Bethke, has been stuck in my head for a while now. Please listen to it! I hope it makes you feel something.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZHRpi4z7zk

7 things I have learned from my mum

1. A great work ethic and people skills are what will take you places in life.
 Although I'm a good student, I have never been as academically gifted as my Mom. Thankfully, she has convinced me that I don't need to be a straight A student to succeed in life. I am more than my GPA.

2. Meeting new people is fun.
My Mom purposely sits by strangers on an airplane just so she can talk to them. Although this is sometimes obnoxious, I have inherited her "talk to anyone" skill, and I am thankful for that.

3.Read Read Read Read Read Read Read Read Read Read Read.
I'm a fiction lover. My Mom is not. In fact, she couldn't even finish the first Harry potter book (*gasp* who does she even think she is?). But she is always learning by reading books of all different kinds. What does birth order affect? My Mom knows. What are the love languages? My Mom knows. What plants can you eat? My Mom knows.

4.Don't put God in a box.
My favorite thing about my Mom is that she always allows me to dream. If money is an issue, still dream. If the dream is ridiculously unrealistic, still dream.  Having someone like me as a daughter, allowing me to dream could be dangerous, but that has never stopped her for encouraging me to have an intense passion for life.

5. Shoes are lame.
If you know us, you know what I mean. bare feet is the way to go.

6. If you try to do too much at once, you will end up burning the food. (a lesson it has taken her 39 years and counting to learn...haha)
Why would anyone put butter in the microwave for 48 minutes?

7. Skipping school is only okay if 1. You're sick. or 2. It's a really nice day and you shouldn't be inside.
I blame my Mom for my love of the outdoors, but I am so thankful that she has allowed me to fall out of trees and get dirt under my nails.


Happy mothers day to the craziest person I know. You have to be pretty spectacular to have the ability to parent the Knittel kids. I love you to the moon and back. ♥
Love,
Em

March madness

I love reflecting on periods of time, and because I have some free time, I decided to write down some things  I learned this march. It sure has been an extremely eventful month!

I have a ridiculous amount of supportive friends and it is so great. 
In the month of March, I made some pretty big decisions and I had wonderful friends who loved, supported and enjoyed the moments with me. I am one blessed cookie.

Online classes don't do themselves. 
This is just a warning for all you procrastinators out there. Putting off your online homework leads to late nights and early mornings.

"We meet no ordinary people in our lives"-C.S Lewis.
I dare you to name one "ordinary" person you know.

You can get a sunburn while snowboarding.
It's true. When you're out snowboarding for 6+ hours, while the sun is shining, you will get burnt. It happened to me. I am glad I got burnt because my freckles came out extra early this year. ♥

You are always going to be weaker than the ocean. Always. 
Visiting Daytona beach over spring break reminded me how weak I truly am. The ocean always reminds me of how powerful God's love is and how beautiful his creations are. What a blessing the school-free week was.

If your team is stacked, it doesn't guarantee a state championship.
This one hurts. My dream of a state championship never happened. The whole team must want it in order to succeed. So many memories with my high school basketball team.

I can sleep on a cement floor for five nights in a row.  
I know this because I had to do it for senior survivor at my school. The sleeping wasn't the best, but many good stories came from the experience.

When in the south, my mom will slowly start talking with a southern accent. 
This happened on vacation. If I'm being honest, I was annoyed, but it was also really funny.

The stars are still pretty in march. 
This march I really enjoyed wrapping up in a blanket to stare at the stars. Although I'm missing some of my favorite star gazing friends, I still could really feel God's love and that was worth the chilly weather.

I am ridiculously spontaneous
Okay, I think I knew this, but I laughed about it after I spontaneously committed to play college basketball. I mean, I'm even spontaneous with big decisions. This could be a bad thing.

in love

"You just don't understand because you've never been in love."
I smiled
gently laughed
and walked away
    That is a lie
I know what it's like to be in love
I am in love
I am in love with
the way the sun beautifully sets 
and the way it always rises.
I am in love with Sunday afternoons
and the way my cousins giggle when I chase them.
I am in love with
singing birds and dancing to loud music
I am in love with
 the many constellations in the sky
crafted by The Creator
I am in love with
beautiful cathedrals
and cultures
and communities
I am in love with
adventure
adrenaline
and sassy attitudes
I am in love with magical moments like
long held eye contact
forehead kisses
and laughter that makes your stomach ache
I am in love with the ocean
with dreamers
and with passionate writers
I am in love with
exploring
I am in love with
getting lost
I am in love with
quality time
I am in love with
people
unique people
boring people
crazy people
obnoxious people
people
I am in love with the sunshine
and large bodies of water
I am in love with freedom
I am in love with places I've been
and places I'll go.
I am in love with
moments
and memories
and the mysteries of life
I am in love with the past
I am in love with the future
I could go on
but
my point is
I have always been in love
I've just never been in love
with a boy.

Nobody

Four years flew by quickly. Too quickly. Being a Ballard Bomber basketball player is one of the best things in the world. I played for the best program in the state, with the best coaches in the state, and with some of the most competitive girls in the state. Every single moment was a blast.

After the sad loss of my last basketball game ever wearing a (beautiful) Ballard jersey, I was brought into the media room, and asked questions by different reporters. In the corner of a crowded room, a tall reporter asked me to "reflect on my last four years" Naturally, I started crying while trying to put my many thoughts to words. I failed, and I'm pretty sure it sounded like, "It'sbeenreallyfun *Sobs* Iloveballard *sobs even more* greatcoaches *wipes snot from face* Somanymemories" Now, after having almost twelve hours to reflect on my last four years, I have been able organize my thoughts a little more (I think).

For four years, I wore a label that read Basketball player. If I had a bad game, I would have a bad day. If I felt like I wasn't as talented as another player, I would start telling myself I was worthless, and lets be honest, no one likes you if you're not successful, right? On the other hand, If I had a really good game, I would start feeling prideful. If students and teachers congratulated me in the hallways, I would feel special and important. I defined myself by how good of a basketball player I was, and I carried it on my shoulders for too long.  Four years too long.

Thankfully, my beautifully graceful God, pursued me (and continues to) throughout high school. Through the laughter and tears of Ballard basketball, God promised me I was more than just a basketball player. When the bell rang, and my dreams crashed, he said, "You are more than a basketball player. You are mine and I love you. I always will."

Of course I cried, bawled actually. I broke my favorite water bottle on the wall in the locker room and refused to pick up the pieces.  I loved every minute of being a Bomber, with teammates I love so much.

Nobody on three, is what we say after coming out of every huddle.  Nobody is a saying that stands for certain goals we set for every game. An example would be: Nobody out works us. When I said nobody for the last time it hit me. I am a nobody. I was never here to make a name for myself. I was here to make a name for Him.

Thank you, Jesus, for letting me be a part of something so great. I truly loved everything about it and I will cherish the beautiful memories forever.

Missing

Ten minutes until midnight and we had exactly fifteen minutes to arrive at the bridge before the lights turned off.  My energy level was rising and the speed I was skating was fueled by my love for midnight adventures. We skated faster and faster, ignoring the sweat running down our faces and giggled at our ridiculousness.  The three of us were skating faster than any other girls in Midwest Iowa when my treasured antique roller-skates decided they had enough. The front left wheel left me without a goodbye and the incident sent me sliding (gracefully) on the cement. My adrenaline ignored the pain while I unlaced my injured roller-skate and started one-skating as my friends followed.  Nothing was going to stop us. We continued to race towards the bridge and in a few long minutes we could finally see it. I took off my other skate and I started running. (Yes, this was exactly like a dramatic scene from a movie) The beautiful lights were in our reach and I knew that when we finally reached them, all the running, skating, sweating and bleeding would be worth it. I burned two holes in my socks and wiped the sweat from my cheeks, then the lights shut off. I screamed. We laughed. It was a disaster, but it was fun.

This story is probably one of my most favorite memories from this past summer. I have a good-sized scar on my leg from the incident and I smile every time I see it.  Both my friends that share the memory with me have gone off to college and I miss them terribly. I miss them so much it hurts. 

When thinking about how much I miss some of my friends, I realize that some people probably never "miss" their friends. Some people only have friends that are selfish, superficial and fake, making a friendship really dull and resulting in a friendship that neither care if lasts. I, on the other hand, have been blessed with a ridiculous amount of God fearing, people loving, adventure taking friends and that is why I miss them so much when they're gone. 

HOW COOL IS IT TO HAVE FRIENDS YOU LOVE SO MUCH THAT YOUR HEART WANTS TO BE NEAR THEM?


Wow. I'm actually so blessed to miss people so much.

Thankful (1-40)

I'm currently reading the book one thousand things. In the book, The Writer talks about a list she keeps of the things she is thankful for. Her list eventually reached 1000 different things, so I decided to challenge myself to do the same. I will post most of them on this blog and I hope this inspires you because we have MUCH to be thankful for. 

1. Dark chocolate.

2. Happy dogs.

3. Balloons.

4. Good books.

5. Warm beds.

6. Wellness walk at school once a month.

7. Loud elementary kids.

8. Grumpy cats.

9. The fact that God already knows my future.

10. Laughter.

11. Half birthdays.

12. Maggie Raes.

13. Pinterest

14. Clean rooms.

15. My mom-she always allows me to dream and that's great. 

16. Climbable trees.

17. Apples.

18. Free afternoons filled with dancing.

19. Board games.

20. Green beans.

21. School spirit.

22. Pandora.

23.Sweatpants.

24. My lovely car.

25. Econ class.

26. Great Ballard teachers.

27. Iowa wind. It smells like memories.

28. Family videos.

29. Lasting gum.

30. Harry Potter.

31. A locker to myself at school.

32. Mrs. Cunarro.

33.MELAGEL

34. Mix CD's

35. Cheap gas.

36. The pennies paying for my dreams.

37. Bonfires.

38. mechanical pencils  

39. Clear skies.

40. Outback steakhouse.

14 things I learned in 2014

1. I'm under construction, please be patient.
 Every year I am reminded that I still have growing to do, and this year was more than ever. I will make mistakes, say stuff I shouldn't have, hurt people, hurt myself. Thankfully, God is working on me everyday, making me into the person he wants me to be. Please be patient, friends, I'm only human.

2. Scars make me smile.
If you just looked at my knees, you would know that I have really lived. I have scars everywhere, and this year I have really enjoyed the stories that go with them.
"Remember when I fell out of the mulberry tree? only eight stitches there."
"Throwback to when my roller skates turned on me."
"I blame the barbwire fence for that one."
"Funny you should ask, it all started when I was riding my bike and putting my hair up at the same time..."

3. Missing people is a good thing.
Many of my best friends left for college and I returned to another year of high school.  Mentors left, people moved, change was everywhere.  I spent most of my days missing people because my heart loved them so much. How cool is it that there are people in my life that I miss when they're gone? I'm one blessed cookie.

4. Success isn't everything.
For the majority of high school, basketball has been what I lived and breathed. I have always loved the sound of the crowd screaming and hearing the announcer say my name made me feel important. I have noticed that many athletes, myself included, find their identity in their success. The world is screaming that in our faces and we are believing it. This year, God taught me this: You are more than your basketball stats, more than your free throw percentage, and it doesn't matter what your peers think of you, I love you.

5. Sometimes you can hear God's voice in secular music. 
My most recent discovery is in the song Rather be
"We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea
But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be"
I often have to remind myself that High school is where God wants me right now, and because He is with me, there is no place I'd rather be.

6. Cross country is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  
Did I just say that? I met many of my best friends running XC and many of my memories come from bus rides, terrible practice or the dreaded meets. It was crazy seeing God work through me during the sport. I love all of you, Ballard XC.

7. Family videos teach you about yourself. 
It's so weird watching yourself grow up. Sometimes when I watch the videos, I miss a part of me. I miss the Emily who sings obnoxiously while climbing trees. Wait, I still do that...

8. An empty suitcase can be the best Christmas present.
 At first, I was wondering why I got a suitcase for Christmas. After all, I have a suitcase and even though it's ugly, it works. My Christmas suitcase grew on my every second. Because I love traveling and plan on traveling with my future job, The suitcase was almost saying, "Hey, I'm the rest of your life. It's going to be a great adventure." Anyway, I really like my cute black and white suitcase. Next stop, Ireland!

9. I'm pretty sure I'm a mermaid.
 I have been away from the ocean for five months and seven days. I have been non stop looking at pictures of the ocean, watching surfing videos and planning road trips with the destination of the ocean. I miss the way I feel small and powerless when I'm being knocked over by waves.  Please, someone, take me to the ocean. I want to feel alive.

10. Chocolate is good for every meal. 
The amount of chocolate I consume daily is probably unhealthy, but I will continue to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Need I say more?

11. Two guys who really like coffee make for great company. 
 In the middle of December, I had coffee with two sophomore guys that I enjoy quite a lot. Jackson and Ryan have two of the most beautiful minds I have ever encountered. Jackson's a dreamer who loves cities and Ryan knows the bible better than I do, which is both amazing and convicting. My heart was full when their cups were empty.

12. We all crave a love that we can only get from God.
Just by observing relationships of others, and being aware of the way I want to be loved, I have realized that no love is perfect. We can't be loved the way we want to be loved by others, but we all crave God's love whether we realize it or not.

13. You can fit ten girls in my 1993 Pontiac Bonneville. 
Enough said.

14.  Haitians like dancing and counting freckles. 
My experience in Haiti was beautiful. My favorite memory was when I danced for hours with precious girls that loved laughing. I enjoyed every minute that I was playing soccer, holding hands or getting my freckles counted. ♥

 
 
I'm excited for many more new adventures in 2015!