Never

I have never
ran a marathon
or biked across the country
I have never 
danced with strangers
or held a conversation with a homeless man
I have never 
been carried around by a large boy
or laughed until I cried
I have never 
jumped out of an airplane
or been on a hot air balloon ride
I have never 
ridden in the trunk of a car
or written a book
I have never colored my hair
and I've never
 been to Boston in the fall 

you see
I've only jumped off two cliffs
 in my lifetime
and that is not enough
there are so many mountains I want to climb
so many oceans I want to taste
and so many people I want to love

My heart is stirring
but my brain knows
I wont be in the same place for very long

So Darling
Let's go on an Adventure


  

I'll be back

worried and scared
anxious and excited
emotions filled my body with feelings I didn't recognize

soon
 I'll be out of the country
this glamorous lifestyle will temporarily leave me

Haiti
here
I
come

 first plane ride
motion sick
second plane ride
motion sick
four hour car ride
 "I might throw up on you"

 pale skin
a foreign country
God please change me

 first thought
TAKE ME HOME
second thought
 do I really have to kill another cockroach
third thought
I think I like this gecko on our wall
fourth thought
I could get used to this

God keep changing me

we spent many hours with beautiful kids
laughing
running
singing

I rode on top of the land cruiser
never inside
the air was what kept me feeling
alive

we sang many songs
we played a lot of soccer
 
I laughed
and fell in love
for the first time ever

 words became familiar like
 "don't forget your bug spray"
"don't flush your toilet paper"
"don't drink the water"

God please break me 
Oh God please change me

language barriers
never kept a friendship from blossoming
I still remember the way your eyes hid when you smiled

I studied your face
afraid I would forget
the way your eyes sparkled

I miss your laugh
and the way you said my name

Emahlee
Emahlee
Emahlee

Oh I would gladly
get motion sick for twelve hours
just to play soccer with Kensley again.

I would sweat like a man again
just to feel the oily skin of Haitian children
climb all over me

And I would give anything
anything
to dance with Youzelie
under the stars

oh Haiti you have stolen my heart
and I don't think
I ever want it back

I'll be back Haiti
I'll be back Youzelie

 

The Battle

It's been a sixty five days since
     I've seen a shooting star
 and
    It's been too long since
worship around a campfire

 my brain is tired
        my heart is burdened
 I'm running a pace
 I've never ran before
      I'm dreaming dreams
I've never dreamt before
                      I'm caught between
adventure and the things
    other people expect from me
"It's who you've always been"
  "That's who you'll always be"

and I'm  here wondering who is really me
            attempting to decipher the words that have written me
stealing away my energy
    I'm climbing a tree and I can't reach the top
so I just sit here with wind-blown hair 

everything   is    different
    everything   is          changing

I've been running in circles
chasing lions
    while trying to stop the pain

 but even then
   the words are always echoing
"This is who you'll always be"

but sometimes I hear Him whisper
            "darling you're free"
 
    you may think I'm unhappy
and that is untrue
some days I'm not okay
   and that is okay
but
    I'm happy
I'm so very happy

a battle is being fought
                 inside of me
you've never noticed

          cause you cannot see

I am from

I am from light pink ballet shoes and a black leotard.
I am from dancing in the reflection of our stove and twirling on the side walk.
I am from the nickles and dimes that paid for my dreams.

I am from denim overalls and my treasured red rain boots
I am from baseball hats on backwards and a stomach filled with raspberries.

I am from breaking the rules.
I am from illegally riding the eighty-five-year-old tortoises at the blank park zoo, breaking into my own church and running barefoot in the hotel hallways. 

I am from talks with The King Of The Universe on the roof of my house.
I from constantly being reminded that I'm enough and that I am loved.

I am from "You can do it." and "You have a purpose in this life"
I am from the dirt under my nails and the determination in my eyes. 

I am from red, memory-worn basketball shoes and a gym full of loud people.
I am from permanently scarred legs and a sweaty ponytail.

I am from laughter.
I am from pain.
I am from loss.
I am from joy. 

I am from my bonfire scented hair and the word I never said.
I am from cliff jumping and tall trees that smell like memories.

I am from coffee in solid rock with Jessica and the familiar haunting words, "Are you a fan or a follower?"

I am from backstage with an adrenaline-filled body.
 I am from performing in front of an audience and loving every minute of it.
 
I am from Les Cayes, Haiti.
Bonjou.
bonswa.
bonn nui.  :)
 
I am from the freckles on my lips and my sunflower eyes.
I am from the ocean-the very place my heart longs for everyday.

I am from the books I've read and found myself lost.
I am from the poems that have written me and the paintings on my wall.

I am from today.
Anxiously awaiting my next adventure.