Nobody

Four years flew by quickly. Too quickly. Being a Ballard Bomber basketball player is one of the best things in the world. I played for the best program in the state, with the best coaches in the state, and with some of the most competitive girls in the state. Every single moment was a blast.

After the sad loss of my last basketball game ever wearing a (beautiful) Ballard jersey, I was brought into the media room, and asked questions by different reporters. In the corner of a crowded room, a tall reporter asked me to "reflect on my last four years" Naturally, I started crying while trying to put my many thoughts to words. I failed, and I'm pretty sure it sounded like, "It'sbeenreallyfun *Sobs* Iloveballard *sobs even more* greatcoaches *wipes snot from face* Somanymemories" Now, after having almost twelve hours to reflect on my last four years, I have been able organize my thoughts a little more (I think).

For four years, I wore a label that read Basketball player. If I had a bad game, I would have a bad day. If I felt like I wasn't as talented as another player, I would start telling myself I was worthless, and lets be honest, no one likes you if you're not successful, right? On the other hand, If I had a really good game, I would start feeling prideful. If students and teachers congratulated me in the hallways, I would feel special and important. I defined myself by how good of a basketball player I was, and I carried it on my shoulders for too long.  Four years too long.

Thankfully, my beautifully graceful God, pursued me (and continues to) throughout high school. Through the laughter and tears of Ballard basketball, God promised me I was more than just a basketball player. When the bell rang, and my dreams crashed, he said, "You are more than a basketball player. You are mine and I love you. I always will."

Of course I cried, bawled actually. I broke my favorite water bottle on the wall in the locker room and refused to pick up the pieces.  I loved every minute of being a Bomber, with teammates I love so much.

Nobody on three, is what we say after coming out of every huddle.  Nobody is a saying that stands for certain goals we set for every game. An example would be: Nobody out works us. When I said nobody for the last time it hit me. I am a nobody. I was never here to make a name for myself. I was here to make a name for Him.

Thank you, Jesus, for letting me be a part of something so great. I truly loved everything about it and I will cherish the beautiful memories forever.

Missing

Ten minutes until midnight and we had exactly fifteen minutes to arrive at the bridge before the lights turned off.  My energy level was rising and the speed I was skating was fueled by my love for midnight adventures. We skated faster and faster, ignoring the sweat running down our faces and giggled at our ridiculousness.  The three of us were skating faster than any other girls in Midwest Iowa when my treasured antique roller-skates decided they had enough. The front left wheel left me without a goodbye and the incident sent me sliding (gracefully) on the cement. My adrenaline ignored the pain while I unlaced my injured roller-skate and started one-skating as my friends followed.  Nothing was going to stop us. We continued to race towards the bridge and in a few long minutes we could finally see it. I took off my other skate and I started running. (Yes, this was exactly like a dramatic scene from a movie) The beautiful lights were in our reach and I knew that when we finally reached them, all the running, skating, sweating and bleeding would be worth it. I burned two holes in my socks and wiped the sweat from my cheeks, then the lights shut off. I screamed. We laughed. It was a disaster, but it was fun.

This story is probably one of my most favorite memories from this past summer. I have a good-sized scar on my leg from the incident and I smile every time I see it.  Both my friends that share the memory with me have gone off to college and I miss them terribly. I miss them so much it hurts. 

When thinking about how much I miss some of my friends, I realize that some people probably never "miss" their friends. Some people only have friends that are selfish, superficial and fake, making a friendship really dull and resulting in a friendship that neither care if lasts. I, on the other hand, have been blessed with a ridiculous amount of God fearing, people loving, adventure taking friends and that is why I miss them so much when they're gone. 

HOW COOL IS IT TO HAVE FRIENDS YOU LOVE SO MUCH THAT YOUR HEART WANTS TO BE NEAR THEM?


Wow. I'm actually so blessed to miss people so much.

Thankful (1-40)

I'm currently reading the book one thousand things. In the book, The Writer talks about a list she keeps of the things she is thankful for. Her list eventually reached 1000 different things, so I decided to challenge myself to do the same. I will post most of them on this blog and I hope this inspires you because we have MUCH to be thankful for. 

1. Dark chocolate.

2. Happy dogs.

3. Balloons.

4. Good books.

5. Warm beds.

6. Wellness walk at school once a month.

7. Loud elementary kids.

8. Grumpy cats.

9. The fact that God already knows my future.

10. Laughter.

11. Half birthdays.

12. Maggie Raes.

13. Pinterest

14. Clean rooms.

15. My mom-she always allows me to dream and that's great. 

16. Climbable trees.

17. Apples.

18. Free afternoons filled with dancing.

19. Board games.

20. Green beans.

21. School spirit.

22. Pandora.

23.Sweatpants.

24. My lovely car.

25. Econ class.

26. Great Ballard teachers.

27. Iowa wind. It smells like memories.

28. Family videos.

29. Lasting gum.

30. Harry Potter.

31. A locker to myself at school.

32. Mrs. Cunarro.

33.MELAGEL

34. Mix CD's

35. Cheap gas.

36. The pennies paying for my dreams.

37. Bonfires.

38. mechanical pencils  

39. Clear skies.

40. Outback steakhouse.

14 things I learned in 2014

1. I'm under construction, please be patient.
 Every year I am reminded that I still have growing to do, and this year was more than ever. I will make mistakes, say stuff I shouldn't have, hurt people, hurt myself. Thankfully, God is working on me everyday, making me into the person he wants me to be. Please be patient, friends, I'm only human.

2. Scars make me smile.
If you just looked at my knees, you would know that I have really lived. I have scars everywhere, and this year I have really enjoyed the stories that go with them.
"Remember when I fell out of the mulberry tree? only eight stitches there."
"Throwback to when my roller skates turned on me."
"I blame the barbwire fence for that one."
"Funny you should ask, it all started when I was riding my bike and putting my hair up at the same time..."

3. Missing people is a good thing.
Many of my best friends left for college and I returned to another year of high school.  Mentors left, people moved, change was everywhere.  I spent most of my days missing people because my heart loved them so much. How cool is it that there are people in my life that I miss when they're gone? I'm one blessed cookie.

4. Success isn't everything.
For the majority of high school, basketball has been what I lived and breathed. I have always loved the sound of the crowd screaming and hearing the announcer say my name made me feel important. I have noticed that many athletes, myself included, find their identity in their success. The world is screaming that in our faces and we are believing it. This year, God taught me this: You are more than your basketball stats, more than your free throw percentage, and it doesn't matter what your peers think of you, I love you.

5. Sometimes you can hear God's voice in secular music. 
My most recent discovery is in the song Rather be
"We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea
But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be"
I often have to remind myself that High school is where God wants me right now, and because He is with me, there is no place I'd rather be.

6. Cross country is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  
Did I just say that? I met many of my best friends running XC and many of my memories come from bus rides, terrible practice or the dreaded meets. It was crazy seeing God work through me during the sport. I love all of you, Ballard XC.

7. Family videos teach you about yourself. 
It's so weird watching yourself grow up. Sometimes when I watch the videos, I miss a part of me. I miss the Emily who sings obnoxiously while climbing trees. Wait, I still do that...

8. An empty suitcase can be the best Christmas present.
 At first, I was wondering why I got a suitcase for Christmas. After all, I have a suitcase and even though it's ugly, it works. My Christmas suitcase grew on my every second. Because I love traveling and plan on traveling with my future job, The suitcase was almost saying, "Hey, I'm the rest of your life. It's going to be a great adventure." Anyway, I really like my cute black and white suitcase. Next stop, Ireland!

9. I'm pretty sure I'm a mermaid.
 I have been away from the ocean for five months and seven days. I have been non stop looking at pictures of the ocean, watching surfing videos and planning road trips with the destination of the ocean. I miss the way I feel small and powerless when I'm being knocked over by waves.  Please, someone, take me to the ocean. I want to feel alive.

10. Chocolate is good for every meal. 
The amount of chocolate I consume daily is probably unhealthy, but I will continue to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Need I say more?

11. Two guys who really like coffee make for great company. 
 In the middle of December, I had coffee with two sophomore guys that I enjoy quite a lot. Jackson and Ryan have two of the most beautiful minds I have ever encountered. Jackson's a dreamer who loves cities and Ryan knows the bible better than I do, which is both amazing and convicting. My heart was full when their cups were empty.

12. We all crave a love that we can only get from God.
Just by observing relationships of others, and being aware of the way I want to be loved, I have realized that no love is perfect. We can't be loved the way we want to be loved by others, but we all crave God's love whether we realize it or not.

13. You can fit ten girls in my 1993 Pontiac Bonneville. 
Enough said.

14.  Haitians like dancing and counting freckles. 
My experience in Haiti was beautiful. My favorite memory was when I danced for hours with precious girls that loved laughing. I enjoyed every minute that I was playing soccer, holding hands or getting my freckles counted. ♥

 
 
I'm excited for many more new adventures in 2015!

5 reasons to jump off a cliff

 barefoot and blistered

one more step and you'll reach the top

the climb isn't easy

it never is

you finally conquer the cliff

 the cliff is tall

you are brave

your reflection stares back at you

the cool breeze 

blows the hair out of your face

you can hear the water 

as clearly as you can hear the voices in your head

"don't do it"

"you could get hurt"

but you must

you must be brave

because it has been 

too long

adrenaline fills your body

and you take a deep breath

next thing you know

you're 

falling

     flying

living

the water catches you

and you laugh

yes 

you are alive

truly alive

you are brave

you are loved

this life is beautiful

 

  Anyone who knows me knows I love jumping off cliffs. Actually, I'm obsessed. I talk about it often and dream about it even more. Here are a few reasons you should bring out your inner adventure junkie and take that leap of faith.  

1. You're scared.

"If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try" -Seth Goden

I don't care who you are, there is something about willingly jumping off a cliff into water that makes you feel like you are jumping to your death. It's terrifying, but beautiful.  I believe that it is important to do things that scare us in order to feel alive. living in your comfort zone is so boring.  

2. You need to let go.

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind" -C.S Lewis

I've cliff jumped many times (and will probably jump 10,000 more times) and each time I needed to let go of something. Whether I was struggling with insecurities, identity or I was carrying around a ridiculous amount of baggage, God always was there, ready to help me in the healing process. When you jump you feel free.

3. You can. 

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." -Anonymous

I don't want to be negative Nancy or anything, but someday I wont be able to climb a cliff and then jump off it. Even though I hope I'm cliff jumping when I'm 80, I probably wont be... So why not? If your young and able, climb that cliff and jump off. Be adventurous and if you hate it, you will still have a story to tell, right?

4. You don't have control.

"We have to be continually jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way." -Kurt Vonnegut.

You're out of control and vulnerable. I have learned to love when I am powerless. For those few moments that you are airborne, you are reminded that you don't have control, and you never did. Your life is in God's hands and you are weak. 

5. You're in need of a little adventure.

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

This world is beautiful and I am thankful for a creative Creator. There is so much to explore and so much to enjoy. If you jump off a cliff, you might just see how truly loved you are. Adventure is out there, my friends.

Forever

Up high on a magnificent cliff

you and I are riding lions

Pink foreign flowers dance in my blonde hair

and your eyes are shining like the moon during a lunar eclipse

Our laughter is the same that its always been

but you can hear 

joy 

in every bursting smile

as clearly a you can hear the ocean on the other side of this cliff.
you have always been one of my most favorite humans
in the world
we left a mark
we shed our skin in the very hallways we walked everyday
we bled on paper
 we ate a lot of chocolate
a lot
too much
yum
our ornery personalities played many tricks
our ears were familiar to the words
"I see trouble"
adventures were what we lived
completely aware of how loved we are
and hope filled our hearts
hope of today
 hope of forever
hope of someday seeing our Creater
The one who loves us
all of us
so very deeply
Today I smile
I laugh
and I look at you and say
forever is a long time
my friend





.

 

Alone

No one was around

so I turned up the music

I danced like I did back when I was young

jumping

twirling

flying

I was reminded of a part of me

that I had lost years ago

the ballerina inside of me

remembered 

that I love to dance

 everywhere

Out of the blue

plans got canceled

and I found myself in a tree

my back rested up against the bark

and leaves in my hair

 the air felt 

clearer 

and familiar

It seems that I have 

forgotten 

how to breathe  

Just me

looking at the stars

deep 

down

inside 

I wanted someone to 

look at them with me

but then I realized

there's no one

no one

who would appreciate

the way the stars 

made me feel

the way I do

there is no one

no one

who will ever understand 

the amount I love the constellations

so I will 

tell God how much I love his creations

 He understands 

He always has

looking back

I realizes that sometimes 

sometimes

I need to be alone

when I'm alone

I remember