Friday, March 4, 2016

Broken


broken people
in a broken world
driving their broken cars
down a broken road

broken laughter
broken lives
broken stories
broken highs

broken people dying
broken people fighting
broken people crying
broken people trying

trying to understand
why life can be so broken
and I can hear my friends screaming

oh my heart
         is breaking

broken people bleeding
broken people screaming
broken people hoping

hoping to not feel so broken.
 
    there are so many broken
people
in this
broken world

and I am broken
 and i've been braking

and i'm screaming
because
   
even our battles are broken.

but today my broken feet are dancing
dancing
dancing
dancing

because our brokenness is His
and we are loved by the King!

So broken people
I beg you
to tell your broken stories
to this broken word.

hallelujah
We are loved by the King.







Wednesday, March 2, 2016

The battle: part 3

The Battle: part 3
January 7th, 2016

Dear Mother
Dear Father
Dear Sister
Dear Brother
These are my letters from the battlefield.
I’ve been fighting for a while now
but I would like you to know that 
I’m fighting to Live
not fighting to stay Alive.
My battle has been more different than I could have ever imagined.
Just last week  
I climbed a mountain with my bare feet
and once I reached the peak
I realized there was another mountain to climb
and in my time
I will have so many mountains to climb.
demons to face.
swords to sharpen.
Dear Mother
I wish I would have spent more time with you before battle.
Dear Father
I should have shared more of my dreams with you.
Dear sister
it’s so very tough out here.
Dear brother
it is still enough out here.
I have many wounds from this battle,
and a few times my heart has been pierced.
but don’t worry
my soul is still on fire.
I’ve spent a lot of time with the trees
So much time I’ve learned their personalities.

And the ocean has been telling me that I’m wild
I'm starting to believe it now.

Dear mother
I'm sorry we fought for most of my teen years. You never stopped loving me, even when I wounded you. 
Dear father
you make the best breakfast omelets I have ever had, and if I ever taste one better, I will still love yours more.
Dear sister
I should have spent more time loving you.
Dear brother
I wish I knew how to tell you
that these days I have never felt more alive.
I have found freedom
I have found purpose
And all the pain i’ve endured has been worth it.
dear mother
dear father 
dear sister
dear brother
these are my letters from the battlefield. 

everyday I die
Even though I fight


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Battle

The Battle: part 1
September 20th, 2014

It's been sixty five days
since I've seen a star shoot across the sky
   and I can't remember the last time
I sat around a campfire
     My brain is tired
my heart is burdened
I'm running a pace I've never ran before
I'm dreaming dreams I've never dreamt before
I'm caught in-between adventures
and the things
others expect from me
"This is who you've always been"
"That's who you'll always be"
but I'm still wondering    who is even me
attempting to decipher the words that have written me
stealing away my energy
so I climb a tree
and I can't reach the top
I laugh and lean on a branch
   with my hair blowing in the wind
something is different
I am changing
My soul is wondering
     my feet are chasing lions
and even then
vices are echoing
"This is who you'll always be"
but sometimes I hear Him whisper
"Beloved, you're free"
you may think I'm unhappy
and that is untrue
somedays I'm not okay
but that is okay
a battle is being fought inside of me
you've never noticed
cause' you cannot see

The Battle: part 2
December 22th, 2015

The moon said my name once
it scared me so much I danced
different from the moon
the Ocean has called my name many times
and like a lion
it roars into my heart
challenging me to go deeper
to tread longer
calling me out farther
   brave enough to respond
and    enchanted by the waves
I
slowly
gracefully
stumble
into the mystery of my soul
I take long strides
confidently following the call
but it doesn't take too long for the salt water
to remind me of my wounds
I am broken    and
I am scared
"is this deep enough?" I ask
I stand there
hoping I would be
But I hear the waves call again
  I start to cry
tasting my tears
I'm now waste deep
The waves start interrupting my balance
tossing me back and forth
I choke on salt water
I understand now
I am weak
my life is futile
 I start seeing the ocean
in a different way
the Ocean is powerful
   I will never understand its depths

and I have always loved the ocean
but it has loved me longer

 I tread water far from shore
the deep blue green color of the ocean
blinds me from the possible dangers
the ocean is not safe
not this far from shore

my arms are tired and my body is aching
then I hear it again
I close my eyes and clench my jaw

the ocean is calling again
 
There is so much mystery in the love
there is so much danger in the call



Wednesday, November 4, 2015

3 books you should read before 2015 ends.


I really like reading, and you should too. Here are 3 books that my soul has really enjoyed. 


This book is incredibly thought provoking, and filled with a very poetic type of writing. I love love love this book, and still read through it. Thank you to my friend, Megan, for introducing me to N.D. Wilson and his unique work. Seriously though, read this.


Harry Potter is easily my most favorite series I've ever read. JK Rowling is brilliant when it comes to story telling, and her story of friendship warms my soul. I think everyone should read the series, so why not start with the first one. And why you're at it, tell the Gryffindor house I miss them. It's been too long. 

THIS BOOK. I LOVE THIS BOOK. Levi the poet actually recommended this book to me and It has taught me a lot about writing already. Stephen King has several stories to tell while he gives advice to aspiring writers. This book is great. READ IT!

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Live



I’ve spent most of my life
trying to sketch perfectly my favorite climbing  tree
many pencils have seen their end in this process
I’ve failed
many
many
 times
the branches are never strong enough
and the leaves just don’t smell right on paper.. .     .       .         .. . 
            For the last four years
I’ve bled on paper
trying to recreate a summer that
happened over 800 days ago in some form of art.
but
The laughter just doesn't sound right
and I can never put the way the sun touched my soul down on paper.
Trust me
tears have been shed.
            There was this horse
who left me too soon
he was white and he glided when he ran
I didn’t have enough time to get to know him
Sometimes I called him Captain
occasionally his name was Winter
I had hoped he would have become a Galileo
  my heart is still pierced
and no poetry has come from that ache.
            And because I’m a writer,
I wonder why some stories are impossible to put on paper.   
            Maybe we’re not always supposed to capture memories in picture form.
            Maybe we’re not supposed to document every heart ache
            Maybe some moments we eventually forget.
            Maybe there are some things so enchanting only our hearts can remember
N.D. Wilson said, “Humans are not intended for data storage (though we have the capacity). We are intended for living, for moving through a story”
            A few summers ago
I was so busy living I barely had time to write.
I don’t remember that whole summer,
but I do have some really stellar stories from it.
            I haven’t ever documented the rhythm of my heart beat
or the volume of my laugh.
            I have never written down
exactly how the Wisconsin river felt in my hair
but my heart understands completely
            I can’t draw a picture of my favorite climbing tree
but sometimes my hands remember the texture
and my ears hear my brothers laugh.
            This Life Is Meant To Be Lived
And I hope I feel the poetry I can’t write.
            This life needs to be spent.


Thursday, October 1, 2015

7 things I've learned in my first 7 weeks of college.

At least, I think I've been in school seven weeks. Honestly, the weeks just happen, and I don't keep track. I really don't care though. Counting is not really my thing, and I really like the number seven.

1. I have time to read again. I was ridiculously involved in high school, and I sacrificed my love for reading to participate in every other activity possible. I have a good amount of free time now, and have enjoyed a few new reads. Stephen Kings book, On Writing, is a book I've discovered, and I LOVE IT!


2. There are more people like me out in this world. This gets me all sorts of excited. I was starting to doubt that I'd ever find tree climbing, obnoxious laughing, extra competitive, spontaneous personalities in this world. Thankfully, I was wrong, and I'm enjoying the new adventures, with new friends.



3. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PARKING PASS DON'T PARK IN AMES! RIDE YOUR BIKE, HORSE, LONG BOARD, OR SCOOTER BUT DON'T YOU DARE PARK YOUR PRECIOUS CAR IN AMES YOU WILL GET A PARKING TICKET. I only know this from experience, and let's just say I didn't learn it the first time.



4. Sioux Falls, South Dakota is adorable. Labor day weekend, I took a road trip with a rad group of people to the city where one of my favorite people ( MARY RAES) attends college. I had a blast and a half, see you soon Margie ♥

5. My brothers hugs will always be my favorite. Perks of having a strong brother I guess. (don't let that get to your head, Dustin!)
6. If you're walking across a creek at Ledges, don't put your iphone in your shirt front pocket. It may jump out,  float down the stream, and never be found again. Let's just say Sam learned this the hard way. ;)
7. He is a good, good Father. My walk with Christ has been an adventure in college. I think I've learned more from Him than I have from all my teachers (not complaining). I'm excited to fall more in love with Him.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

High school

I’m at a new home, with new teachers, teammates, and friends. The hallways I walk everyday are not familiar, and only a handful of people know my name. I’m not lonely, yet. I know I will be, though. It’s windy today, and this afternoon smells like cross country season. The evening  feels like football season. I think of high school. The four years I spent on the swaggiest basketball court. I’m reminded of the memories I share with the girls who will be dominating this year without me. My mind wanders to the hallways I ran in, and the stairs I tripped up. Honestly, I miss the teachers, and their electric personalities. I miss the freshmen I became friends with,I miss talking to different lunch tables, and my spanish class. There are things about Ballard High I miss, but those were not the best days of my life. High school was wonderful, and I loved it, but better things are ahead. So I sit here, excited for my adventure, and because I miss you, I pray. I know people I love are going to get hurt this year. I know you all will be challenged emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. It makes me sad I don’t get to experience it with you, and because I can’t, I’m praying for you, all of you, right now.


Seniors, You’re about to take on a strange and beautiful year, filled with embarrassing and ridiculous moments. I beg you to love mondays, and to not give in to senioritis. I challenge you to be present in every situation, like you were meant to be there, and to be friends with all the freshies, and people below you. I hope you thank your teachers and coaches, and involve yourself in many activities. No, high school is not the best part of your life, but you should love it like it is going to be the best time in your life. I hope you easily embrace the process of the change that is about to occur in your life. Remember, some friends are for a lifetime, some are for high school. Always love your friends, but some you are going to have to let go. I pray you will be able to enjoy your last year, and I hope all the lasts you’re experiencing will turn into some of your most favorite memories.


Juniors, You’re almost there, but not really. I hope you’re not worrying about college. Advice: God already has a plan for your future. Stop worrying. Also, take advanced Bio for a good laugh, and take as many classes with Fletch as possible. but make sure you’re not lazy. Fletch hates lazy ;). Don’t procrastinate on dmacc classes. One all-nighter is fun, seven are not. Since I know your grade is cliquey, I want to challenge you to step out of your comfort zone, and become friends with people you probably wouldn’t. There is a danger in having a “squad”. When you only hang out with a certain group of people, you all accidently form the same opinions, and even thoughts on people. I hope this year you start seeing the world, people, and life through your own eyes. Or even better, through God’s eyes.


Sophomores, I love you all so much. When I was entering my senior year, I felt a conviction from God. To love you all, and to build relationships with you. When I was a freshman, my year was pretty terrible, until a senior girl befriended me. To be honest, getting to know you crazy kids has been such a blessing to me. You have added a joy to my life, and God has taught me a lot. I hope you all will discover deep friendships. I hope you spend more time counting the shooting stars you’ve seen in your life, than you spend partying with your “friends”. If Mr. Dovre is teaching a creative writing class, take it. You better love every minute you have class with Mrs. Jack. She has the best handwriting, and it makes note taking so easy.  I hope you 100% realize there is a Creator who loves you, and you follow him with all your heart.


Freshmen, I am actually really sad I don't get to welcome you into high school. I pray the transition goes smoothly, and you quickly feel comfortable in your new surroundings. If you’re wondering which extracurriculars you should go out for, i’ll help you: Cross country and speech competition. I regret not participating in both all four years. I hope you know you are always worth more than your gpa, athletic ability, and even more than what people say about you. I challenge you to be brave, and to talk to people who intimidate you. If you trip up the stairs, laugh. If you think you should wear makeup every day, don't. Do your homework and respect your teachers. Don’t believe the lies the upperclassmen will tell you. Always bring snacks to school. I hope you have a grand adventure! I’m excited to hear your stories, good luck!

And to all, I hope this year is a year filled with laughter, and turned in assignments. I know some of you are dreading school tomorrow, but I pray you will be excited for the new memories you’re going to make. It’s going to fly by so fast. I challenge you to all work hard this year. Whether it’s in school, sports, friendships, etc. I dare you to try new things, and meet new people. And I hope whatever emotion you’re feeling this year, whether it be happy, excited, sad, broken, etc, you feel it. Don’t go numb, feel it.